The Food Adventures of Bella Flores

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. And I admire Bella Flores. She's my idol in katarayan

Tita (TITA?!?!) Bella Flores is a pillar of the entertainment industry. Famous for her contravida roles, she is known off cam as a sweet, gentle and doting lady. Pero siguro may mga times na masyado siyang nag-internalize, feeling niya bruha pa rin siya kahit walang raket...

One morning she realized that she's fed up with what is normally cooked and served by her loyal maid, Ising.

Bella: Ising (contravida tone), anong lunch?
Ising: Madam Beef nilaga po
Bella: Nilaga na naman??? Kahapon nilaga ah!!!
Ising: Opo Madam pero kahapon po baboy.
Bella: Leche! Magkalasa yun!
Ising: Gusto niyo po ba bumili nalang ako ng peyborit niyong Mang Inasal?
Bella: AYOKOOOOOOO! Nakain ko na lahat dun!!!

Bella: Pati ang limited edition HOTDOG INASAL!!!
(Akalain mo may ganun??)

Bella: Pwes, maghahanap nalang ako ng bagong restaurant. Gusto ko yung bagay sa katauhan ko.

So she called her driver Badong and asked him to take her around the city.

Bella: Badong, ihinto mo diyan! Mukhang bagay sa akin ang resto na to. Harsh lang ang peg!

Lakas makapag-mura o! HACK YOU TOO!!!

Bella: Ihanda ang payong at umulan

A guard then greeted Bella by the door

Guard: Ma'am kung gusto niyo, dalhin niyo nalang po ang payong niyo sa loob.
Bella: Hindi na. Di yan mawawala...

MAY PANGALAN KO YAN!!!

She sat by the window and a waiter named Jonnel hurriedly approached her.

Jonnel: Good morning madam! Welcome to Hack You! Here's the menu...

Bella: Ok to ah! Mabilis daw ang service kahit marami! AT MAY PRIZE PA! Mapapalaban ako sa kainan!!

Bella: You know Jonnel, you should not fail me today. Ayoko ng aanga-anga! Baka hindi mo natatanong Food Blogger na rin ako! Kaya dapat galingan niyo!
Jonnel: Of course maam! Would you like to check the starters?

Bella: Anong Crispee ang pinagsasabi niyo diyan? Masyadong maarte! Gow na tayo sa main course.

Jonnel: Maam eto po ang specialty dish namin dito (points at the menu)

Bella: porkSHOP???? Anong ihahain niyo, BUONG MONTEREY??? Ayoko ng heavy. At pork na naman? Gusto ko naman maiba...

Jonnel: Eto Madam! GUIZZARD! Parang Iguana and Lizard na pinaghalo!

Bella: EEEEW! SO EXOTIC!!! DON'T LIKE! (sabay dabog!). Hmm gulay? Anong gulay niyo?
Jonnel: Madam eto lang po...

Bella: LUMOT?!?! ANO AKO GOLDFISH?!?!? Sabihin mo nga Jonnel...

ETO BA ANG MUKANG GOLDFISH?!?!?!

Jonnel: Naku hindi po!!!
Bella: Pina-iinit mo ang ulo ko hijo! Gusto mo bang masisante!??! Hmm fish wala ba???
Jonnel: May bangus po kami.
Bella: Ayoko yun malansa!
Jonnel: Ay diyan po kayo nagkamali! Di lang to bangus...

ITS bangOs! So mabango!

Bella: PWEEEEEEEH!

Parang Downy! naka-Perfume!! (chuice!)

Belle: Hay nako, chicken inasal na nga lang! And i want breast. Malinaw? Hindi thigh, wing or leeg, BREAST!!!!
Jonnel: Sure ma'am!! At ipipilit ko po sa order form...

Ewan ko lang kung may magkamali pa

Bella: While waiting for my order, I will have to use your washroom. Kelangan ko mag-retouch at maghugas dahil masarap magkamay.
Jonnel: Sa may kitchen po! Rest assured it is clean and well maintained!

Clean hands ba kamo? Walang sinabi ang hand sanitizer sa Lysol!!

After eating the inasal...

Bella: Anong dessert niyo? Note! I am diabetic! No sugar allowed!
Jonnel: Ay sakto tayo diyan madam...

Walang D for diabetes!!

Bella: Parang gusto ko ng Whip it up? *evil grin* *wink* (AFRAID!!!)

In the end, Bella did not enjoy her resto experience. And being the contravida that she is, this is where poor Jonnel ended up.

*****FIN*****
(TELENOVELA?!?!)

Baboo!

It's TIME!!!

There are times when you feel that you just had enough

There are times when you think that you just have to stop

But after countless pleas and cries to put me back on track

Rejoice (Shampoo)!

KoiBeyondPond is back!!!

PAKACHAROOOOOT!

Missed me? Well let's just say busi-busyhan tayo the past few months. But that doesn’t matter anymore because I am like a fish that had hide to shed off old scales to bring forth beautiful ones. AHAS?!?!?

Pero naman, kung dati reflection ko lang ang nagsasabing maganda ako, pwes na-validate na ang kagandahan ko! And not just by any other man, but a group of fine, young, (droolworthy?) MEN!

Hinga nang malalim, At kayanin niyo to…

HOMAAAAAYYYGAAAAAAAADDDD!

Talo pa nito ang isang galong kape sa umaga kung makapagpalpitate sa akin.

So there’s Bam (close?) who is an Aquino, and a person who is established and financially secure. (Mukhang pera o!)

Then there’s Armand del Rosario na di nakayanan ang sarili at nagconfess ng “I love you!”. Sorry ha pero parang may mahal na kasi akong iba. CHYEH!!!!

And yes, Anton Del Rosario!!!! Jusko I think you are just so pogeeeeeee!!! Lalo na ang “TAKE CARE” na may kasamang pagkunot ng ilong. SHEEEEEET PARANG GUSTO KO LANG MALIGO SA

Chuice!!

Thank you for your greetings! Now when I feel down and lonely, papanoorin ko lang ang video na eto and I will be fine. Kaya lang sa gabi lang applicable dahil sabi niya “Have a wonderful evening” Choz.

So wala naman talagang pasabog sa post na to. I’m just glad to be back!

Special thanks to Pia M for this video :D Sa susunod meet and greet na!

CHUICE Happiness! Baboo!

On Mobility and Technology. Che! Di to serious ha!

Fifteen (15) years ago, having cellphone was not necessary because telephones were readily available at home, in the office and even in your local sari-sari stores. Also may mga payphones naman-kelangan mo lang ng barya or kung sosyal ka, FONKARD! Or if you really want to be mobile, you can always bring an "over-over" radio-pero shempre pang mayaman lang yun unless gusto mo mapagkamalang bodyguard.

Then came the beeper/pager. Na medyo useless naman because you still need a phone to send a message or reply to one. Finally nauso na ang cellphone courtesy of Motorola and service provider ISLACOM (konsepto!). Back then palakihan ang laban . Winner ka kapag ang cellphone mo ganito...

Parang cordless phone lang???

or narating mo na ang tugatog ng tagumpay kapag ang cellphone mo...

May sariling handbag!!!

I think the cellphone madness started when Globe introduced the concept of Texting. Naalala niyo ba ang commerical ng dalawang pipi ( Rated GP poh!) na nag-uusap through text?

Ok ang haba na ng intro. Gusto ko lang naman magkwento ng aking journey through different phones and how my current disposition affected the choice of unit . According to experts, you can determine one's personality through his/her phone. CHAROT! Gawa-gawa ko lang yun.

Anyway, I had my first phone when I graduated from elementary. Valedictorian ako nun so deserve na deserve ko ang isang...

Nokia 5110!

Aside from texting and snake mejo wala nang excitement ang phone na ito. So kinabaliwan ng tao ang ibat-ibang kaartehan.

Some people collected casings or housings which came in a rainbow of colors, cartoon characters at kung ano-ano pa. May clear casings din. I remember having a clear aqua and gray. Pero hate na hate ko yung CLEAR NA CLEAR! Ang sakit sa mata. Leche yung mga ganon na nasa sinehan! Chuice!

Uso din ang pagpapalit ng

KEYPAD!

At shempre hindi mawawala ang pagbabago ng BACKLIGHT at ang waley na waley na paglalagay ng...

ACETATE!!!!! Sorry jinujudge ko ang nagpapaganito! :p

Apparently 5110 marked the end of the antenna era. After that lumabas ang 3210. But that came right after I got my first phone so I skipped it. Then lumabas ang

3310!

I must admit nagpabili ako ng ganito for one reason...

Space Impact! Na never ko namang natapos

And of course Snake II and Bantumi na sungka lang naman talaga. Tapos may composer na rin para makapag-imbento ng ringtone and Paint para makagawa ng wallpaper! In fair, kinarir ko yun dati!!

For some weird reason, I wanted to be profesh in second year high school. And so I shifted to...

Nokia 7110

Ewan ko I guess I was fascinated with the roller. And oh! May TENNIS!!! Gamer much??? Dahil mejo malaki to my friend Maan once asked "Is your phone an attempt to save the last of your masculinity???" Che! Never kong naisip yun!!!

One year later, my mom challenged me to top the batch at the end of junior high and she will buy me a new phone. That time uso na ang colored screen. Eh di determined naman daw si pota to study harder. And so I succeeded at napa-loan ang nanay ko ng bongga. CHOS LANG!

I got the white one! Na naging cream na after 3 years.

When I get a new phone, my mom gets to use the old one. In college, she bought a flip phone. Shempre hindi pwedeng kabugera siya so kelangan kong higitan. For the first time, I shifted brands. Sleek, sexy and sophisticated na daw ang peg ko nung college. In short BEKING BEKI!!!

Motorola V3i

Im sorry talaga sa phone na to pero eto ang pinaka-battered. I guess I was just so stressed and emotionally unstable (meaning: love problems PWEH!) so na-channel ko ang galit sa kanya. Hinahagis, tinatapon. Ayon bumigay! Naputol yung hinge so wala na akong makitang display.

My sister was kind enough to lend me to her old phone kaya retro ang ganda ko.


I guess I wasn't completely "healed" yet because I almost burned that phone with a soldering iron! WALEY! SOREEEEH!

I then became president of COA so dapat profesh na profesh ang appeal! I needed to have mobile internet, a decent organizer etc. So I bought a...

BARETA! CHAROT!

It was one of the first qwerty phones in the market so tingin ng lahat ng tao alien! One day tinanong ako ng security guard in a very mapang-okray manner ng "Ano yan??" Sinagot ko ng "Bomba. Gusto mo hagis ko sayo???" Sabay mabilis ng bawi ng "JOKEEE LAAAANG" Baka ipapulis pa ako ni pota.

In fairness I could say that this was my best phone so far. Hanggang ngayon buhay pa at ginagamit ni mudar. Now I have a blackberry. Channeling yuppie vibe kuno.

I dunno what I will be getting next. And when. Natempt akong kumuha ng Galaxy Tab para pwedeng panghampas sa mga magnanakaw pero wala pa yan sa budget.

Ikaw? What's your cellphone journey? Send me your stories because I'll be giving away a phone to the the best entry!!!!

ETO O!!!! CHUICE!!!

Baboo!

Tampisaw sa Pond Award: Huma-house guest!

It has been more than two weeks since I had the biggest fright of my life. I am happy that I am slowly recovering but hindi na ata mawawala ang aking pagiging paranoid- always quadruple checking if I locked my doors. Mukhang tanga but better look gaga than be pureza!

Anyway, sa kalagitnaan ng pagka-gimbal (SOCO much??) a friend texted if she could spend the following night over. This southern lass apparently had an early morning meeting in Katipunan. To save herself from the torture of waking up early, makikitulog na lang siya. Pak! Blind item ang peg!

Shempre isang bonggang GOW ang answer ko! After going through such a traumatic experience, it would be great to have someone accompany me. THOUGH I was kinda hesitant. Back in college kasi, when I moved to a solo dorm room, nabinyagan agad ng babae na nagsleepover. Feel ko na curse kasi puro babae na ang nakitulog, wala na akong nauwing KERE! So ayoko namang ma-jinx ulit. CHAROT!!!

But I said yes and I would like to award the

FIRST TAMPISAW SA POND AWARD
to

MAGEL "GANDA KA???" ORDONEZ!
(photo courtesy of Cands Montenegro)

In fair naman, when she arrived bigay agad ng bonggang housewarming gift. PLEASE, PAKITULARAN! Thank you teh for the aromatherapy candle and Becky's (HOW APT!) Food for the God (dess. chuice!)

Had dinner in Katipunan and spent some time in Cantina. Take note memorable ang Cantina not just because she is a former Katipunera but it was where we shared our first kiss. PWEH!!!!!

Anyhoo, since meeting ang objective niya, she had to look presentable- kelangan di gusto-gusot ang outfet! Malas lang wala akong plantsa. Good thing Tim had the revolutionary Edmark Steam Iron/ Brush!

Kung makaplug ako ng gawaing bahay akala mo housewife. But in truth, I only know how to clean well. I fake laba and I have no plans of touching a real iron! Thankfully, the Edmark Stam Iron is so easy to use! Just add water, plug and plantsa all the way.

Of course just like my first time to do the fish spa, belly dance and the hula, papalagpasin ba ang first time to iron clothes? Pwes eto na! Come and witness the wonders of this product (Paging Edmark, ang PF ko!) Take note of the comments in the video!

So let's start with our guest of honor...

And now it's my turn!

After ng plantsahan portion, borlog na bilang 2 AM na! Sidekwento: When I spent the night over at Magel's place back in college I demanded that there be a pillow between us. Mahirap na baka lapastanganin ako! Charot! This time unconsciously may pillow pa rin- pero throw pillow nalang. Next time neck pillow nalang yan

Breakfast the following day and then she was off to her meeting. Our goodbye messages went something like this:

Magel: Salamat sa pagkupkop, teh curl. Busilak ang iyong puso.
Koi:Bwahaha walang anuman. Sana nagenjoy ka. At nahawaan ka ng ganda ko kahit katiting lang.
Magel:Nalipat sa akin lahat actually.

In fair, I have to agree!
Labyu teh! Sana na-redeem nito ang unang pic! BWHAHAHA

Who wants to go next? Priority is given to Keres. Girls, saka na kayo! Chuice!

Baboo!

Kung Sino Ka Man, Di ka Welcome sa Pond!

In the last few posts parang ang panimula ko na lang lagi ay "I'm baaaack!" and "Sorry because" achuchu. Well ngayon naman sisisihin ko ang mga TV series na tinapos ko like Game of Thrones (oh, how brusko!) and The Voice (yet oh, how beki!)

Also, when when you are living alone you need more time to do some cleaning, dishwashing, fixing the laundry and finding food (daga ang peg?). And speaking of living alone, I have a very sad news.

Yes. Nangyari na ang di inaasahan. Ang di dapat mangyari.

Hindi. Hindi po ako naging straight. Sorry girls... CHUICE!

Anyway, last Tuesday, June 5,2011 I went out for dinner with friends and got home at around 8:30 PM. I was about to put the keys into the padlock when I realized that the safety hasp (ay alam ko yun! karpintero kasi ata ang past life ko!) was destroyed. I checked the knob and it was still locked. Pero iba na ang pakiramdam ko.

I prepared myself upon entering. Malay mo may utaw sa loob. Thankfully no one was inside...any longer...

At eto ang tumambad sa akin...

WARLA!!!

Sa madaling sabi, someone broke into my place. Seeing my cabinet in disarray I already knew what he/she took: 2 watches--one used to be my Dad's.

I must admit my first reaction was natawa. Waley. In my mind I was saying "P*t* nangyari sa akin to? KALERKEY!!!"

Feel ko sumideline din akong imbestigador nung past life ko because my next instinct was not to touch anything and simply take pictures.

Kabilang angle naman!
Introducing Feetus ng Landlady. Bagong pedicure. Tarush!

What is binulatlat!

My maleta on top of the cabinet was not spared.
At tumambad ang mga pagninilanding bagelya!

Even my balikbayan box of College Stuff, sealed when I graduated, was opened.
Naging time capsule tuloy ang peg. (Emo ka teh?)

I calmly went down to report the incident. Parang may nagawa naman ano? So I cut the useless chika-chika and rushed to Shoppersville to buy new locks. Malamang noh unless balak kong iexpose ko ulit ang unit ko with me inside. Eh di pati puri ko ninakaw! CHAROT!

The carpenter,who is the landlady's husband, had no drill that night so the following day nalang daw. Fine. Simulan na ang nobena!

After calling my mom and Tita about it. I looked again at the mess that was left. "Ah leche! So kelangan pa tuloy eto ayusin?? Hassle!!! Jirits!!!" Thankfully my friends Tim and Marc dropped by and showed some support.

Then I realized more things.

1. Hindi binaklas yung packing tape ng balikbayan box! Instead it was cut neatly with a sharp object.
2. I saw one of my kutsilyo placed in the wrong position (See? may benefits ang pagiging OC!). Therefore, ginalaw.
3. One knife was missing. AFRAID!!!!!!!!!
4. May naiwang note na nakasulat "ANAKAN MO AKO"- OK CHAROT LANG!!!

I went to bed fearing for my safety. Noon ko lang narealize how lucky I was that I wasn't around when that thief broke into my place. Otherwise bilasang isda na ako ngayon. I thanked God for keeping me safe but I remained vigilant the whole night.

The following morning I was bangag, obviously but I had to get up and had my locks fortified (parang gatas lang, fortified with vitamin A. Che!) Friends advised me to report the incident to the police.

One particular friend who helped me file a blotter was Atty Eloi (hey teh sana ma meet na kita in person!) Maraming salamat! Pwede bang ikaw na ang maging laywer ko? Para pwede ko nang karirin ang linyang "Just talk to my lawyer!" CHAROT! But super super thanks!

Since walang malapit na pulis I went to the barangay hall instead. They let me write an incident report. Kaya kung titingnan niyo ang simula ng kuwento, tunog incident report! Palibhasa nakapag practice na ako!

After that saka lang talaga nagsink-in. More than the items lost, my security was threatened and my personal space was violated. Gusto ko lang talaga maiyak! I must admit I'm still in shock and i haven't fully recovered. At napaka-che sabihing "the experience has made me stronger!!!" I guess sa future pwede na.

---

Grabe. Bad news pero consistent pa rin sa theme ang blog post na to--may echosan pa rin. AWARD!!!

Baboo!

Funny Pics Ulet!

So you're back from outer spez. I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your pez! CHAROT

After a pretty long break, funny pictures are back!!! Sorry pero mahirap kasi mangolekta ok? Parang di naman araw-araw makakakita ka ng mga ganito so matagal-tagal na ipunan talaga. Anyhoo, thank you to Magel and Ian for your contributions :)

Let's start...

ANODAW??? Isa-isahin natin...

We know the anatomy of your feet in every single detail;
TALAGA? Pati kalyo ko? At alipunga mo? Shempre ang mga readers talaga ang may alipunga and not me noh? heehee

we know how it works and what it needs.
Bakit naging "it" at may "s" ang needs? Diba feet ay plural??? Maestrang-maestra lang ang peg. Tama ba? Or mapurol na ang SV agreement rules ko?

GelSmart products are your feet's little nurses that gives them the Comfort and Protection It deserves.
Ok kakaiba ang Comfort and Protection na binibigay niyo ah! Maybe GelSmart is the only product that could provide them kaya proper nouns?

Ay wait... baka yung comfort na sinasabi nila eto...


Tapos yung It....

Nag-nursing ka pala teh?!?!

GelSmart is composed of Gels made with specific technology for your different feet concerns...
Eh yung concern niya???

Challenge!!!

making you wear your shoes with comfort like it has has been treated specially.is foot comfort everywhere impossible? in GelSmart, not really...
Ok kung kelan kailangan ng capital letters saka di ginamit! Plus kagigil ang "not really..."


Speaking of comfort and being gentle... eto baka kelangan na rin ng GelSmart


Jusko! I wonder ilan na kaya ang nasira nilang hand dryer? Parang pikon na sila sa mga gumagamit for them to put such reminder. And I wonder pano to ginagamit ng iba, sinisipa? Chuice!

Next!


From Cambodia. Akalain mong we somehow share common terms? Baka epekto ng Pangaea!

Pero ang weird sa Filipino setting. Parang: "Miss pabili nga ng bastos" (Sa Bahay aliwan ka, kuya???) or "Ang sarap talaga ng Bastos" (YUCK AH ANG BASTOS MO!!!!)

Kung si Bastos masyadong Pinoy, eto naman pa-slang!

Elovera!!! I bet dating call center agent ang gumawa nito! Chuice lang.

Next!

Kawawa naman ang niyog. Kasalanan ba kung may bunga siya??? Diba blessing yun? Parang sinabi mo na ring "Mag-ingat sa buntis. May beybi" ('Nudaw??)

Or maybe the owner is just protecting the coconut tree from any thief, burglar, magnanakaw, kawatan o...

ShoplEfter!!!

Well, I guess may point to. Someone shopped and LEFT without paying.

Eto ang pinaka-winner! Saw this in the bulletin board of my building...


Bad elements are not a stereotype. They can look like you-
LIKE ME??? PAK! EH DI ANG GANDA NUN?!?!

they are chameleons who blend with the environment by donning the right "costume"- and by assuming the "role" of a student.
Nakakatakot ah! Takot ako sa mga reptiles!!! Charot.

Well kung nanggagaya sila ng look, I better wear this...

TINGNAN NATIN KUNG KERI NILANG RUMAMPA NG NAKA GANITO! Chuuuuice!

Ok joke lang Lord. I will take this seriously and take precautionary measures...

OSiya! Baboo!