The Food Adventures of Bella Flores

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. And I admire Bella Flores. She's my idol in katarayan

Tita (TITA?!?!) Bella Flores is a pillar of the entertainment industry. Famous for her contravida roles, she is known off cam as a sweet, gentle and doting lady. Pero siguro may mga times na masyado siyang nag-internalize, feeling niya bruha pa rin siya kahit walang raket...

One morning she realized that she's fed up with what is normally cooked and served by her loyal maid, Ising.

Bella: Ising (contravida tone), anong lunch?
Ising: Madam Beef nilaga po
Bella: Nilaga na naman??? Kahapon nilaga ah!!!
Ising: Opo Madam pero kahapon po baboy.
Bella: Leche! Magkalasa yun!
Ising: Gusto niyo po ba bumili nalang ako ng peyborit niyong Mang Inasal?
Bella: AYOKOOOOOOO! Nakain ko na lahat dun!!!

Bella: Pati ang limited edition HOTDOG INASAL!!!
(Akalain mo may ganun??)

Bella: Pwes, maghahanap nalang ako ng bagong restaurant. Gusto ko yung bagay sa katauhan ko.

So she called her driver Badong and asked him to take her around the city.

Bella: Badong, ihinto mo diyan! Mukhang bagay sa akin ang resto na to. Harsh lang ang peg!

Lakas makapag-mura o! HACK YOU TOO!!!

Bella: Ihanda ang payong at umulan

A guard then greeted Bella by the door

Guard: Ma'am kung gusto niyo, dalhin niyo nalang po ang payong niyo sa loob.
Bella: Hindi na. Di yan mawawala...

MAY PANGALAN KO YAN!!!

She sat by the window and a waiter named Jonnel hurriedly approached her.

Jonnel: Good morning madam! Welcome to Hack You! Here's the menu...

Bella: Ok to ah! Mabilis daw ang service kahit marami! AT MAY PRIZE PA! Mapapalaban ako sa kainan!!

Bella: You know Jonnel, you should not fail me today. Ayoko ng aanga-anga! Baka hindi mo natatanong Food Blogger na rin ako! Kaya dapat galingan niyo!
Jonnel: Of course maam! Would you like to check the starters?

Bella: Anong Crispee ang pinagsasabi niyo diyan? Masyadong maarte! Gow na tayo sa main course.

Jonnel: Maam eto po ang specialty dish namin dito (points at the menu)

Bella: porkSHOP???? Anong ihahain niyo, BUONG MONTEREY??? Ayoko ng heavy. At pork na naman? Gusto ko naman maiba...

Jonnel: Eto Madam! GUIZZARD! Parang Iguana and Lizard na pinaghalo!

Bella: EEEEW! SO EXOTIC!!! DON'T LIKE! (sabay dabog!). Hmm gulay? Anong gulay niyo?
Jonnel: Madam eto lang po...

Bella: LUMOT?!?! ANO AKO GOLDFISH?!?!? Sabihin mo nga Jonnel...

ETO BA ANG MUKANG GOLDFISH?!?!?!

Jonnel: Naku hindi po!!!
Bella: Pina-iinit mo ang ulo ko hijo! Gusto mo bang masisante!??! Hmm fish wala ba???
Jonnel: May bangus po kami.
Bella: Ayoko yun malansa!
Jonnel: Ay diyan po kayo nagkamali! Di lang to bangus...

ITS bangOs! So mabango!

Bella: PWEEEEEEEH!

Parang Downy! naka-Perfume!! (chuice!)

Belle: Hay nako, chicken inasal na nga lang! And i want breast. Malinaw? Hindi thigh, wing or leeg, BREAST!!!!
Jonnel: Sure ma'am!! At ipipilit ko po sa order form...

Ewan ko lang kung may magkamali pa

Bella: While waiting for my order, I will have to use your washroom. Kelangan ko mag-retouch at maghugas dahil masarap magkamay.
Jonnel: Sa may kitchen po! Rest assured it is clean and well maintained!

Clean hands ba kamo? Walang sinabi ang hand sanitizer sa Lysol!!

After eating the inasal...

Bella: Anong dessert niyo? Note! I am diabetic! No sugar allowed!
Jonnel: Ay sakto tayo diyan madam...

Walang D for diabetes!!

Bella: Parang gusto ko ng Whip it up? *evil grin* *wink* (AFRAID!!!)

In the end, Bella did not enjoy her resto experience. And being the contravida that she is, this is where poor Jonnel ended up.

*****FIN*****
(TELENOVELA?!?!)

Baboo!