The Food Adventures of Bella Flores

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. And I admire Bella Flores. She's my idol in katarayan

Tita (TITA?!?!) Bella Flores is a pillar of the entertainment industry. Famous for her contravida roles, she is known off cam as a sweet, gentle and doting lady. Pero siguro may mga times na masyado siyang nag-internalize, feeling niya bruha pa rin siya kahit walang raket...

One morning she realized that she's fed up with what is normally cooked and served by her loyal maid, Ising.

Bella: Ising (contravida tone), anong lunch?
Ising: Madam Beef nilaga po
Bella: Nilaga na naman??? Kahapon nilaga ah!!!
Ising: Opo Madam pero kahapon po baboy.
Bella: Leche! Magkalasa yun!
Ising: Gusto niyo po ba bumili nalang ako ng peyborit niyong Mang Inasal?
Bella: AYOKOOOOOOO! Nakain ko na lahat dun!!!

Bella: Pati ang limited edition HOTDOG INASAL!!!
(Akalain mo may ganun??)

Bella: Pwes, maghahanap nalang ako ng bagong restaurant. Gusto ko yung bagay sa katauhan ko.

So she called her driver Badong and asked him to take her around the city.

Bella: Badong, ihinto mo diyan! Mukhang bagay sa akin ang resto na to. Harsh lang ang peg!

Lakas makapag-mura o! HACK YOU TOO!!!

Bella: Ihanda ang payong at umulan

A guard then greeted Bella by the door

Guard: Ma'am kung gusto niyo, dalhin niyo nalang po ang payong niyo sa loob.
Bella: Hindi na. Di yan mawawala...

MAY PANGALAN KO YAN!!!

She sat by the window and a waiter named Jonnel hurriedly approached her.

Jonnel: Good morning madam! Welcome to Hack You! Here's the menu...

Bella: Ok to ah! Mabilis daw ang service kahit marami! AT MAY PRIZE PA! Mapapalaban ako sa kainan!!

Bella: You know Jonnel, you should not fail me today. Ayoko ng aanga-anga! Baka hindi mo natatanong Food Blogger na rin ako! Kaya dapat galingan niyo!
Jonnel: Of course maam! Would you like to check the starters?

Bella: Anong Crispee ang pinagsasabi niyo diyan? Masyadong maarte! Gow na tayo sa main course.

Jonnel: Maam eto po ang specialty dish namin dito (points at the menu)

Bella: porkSHOP???? Anong ihahain niyo, BUONG MONTEREY??? Ayoko ng heavy. At pork na naman? Gusto ko naman maiba...

Jonnel: Eto Madam! GUIZZARD! Parang Iguana and Lizard na pinaghalo!

Bella: EEEEW! SO EXOTIC!!! DON'T LIKE! (sabay dabog!). Hmm gulay? Anong gulay niyo?
Jonnel: Madam eto lang po...

Bella: LUMOT?!?! ANO AKO GOLDFISH?!?!? Sabihin mo nga Jonnel...

ETO BA ANG MUKANG GOLDFISH?!?!?!

Jonnel: Naku hindi po!!!
Bella: Pina-iinit mo ang ulo ko hijo! Gusto mo bang masisante!??! Hmm fish wala ba???
Jonnel: May bangus po kami.
Bella: Ayoko yun malansa!
Jonnel: Ay diyan po kayo nagkamali! Di lang to bangus...

ITS bangOs! So mabango!

Bella: PWEEEEEEEH!

Parang Downy! naka-Perfume!! (chuice!)

Belle: Hay nako, chicken inasal na nga lang! And i want breast. Malinaw? Hindi thigh, wing or leeg, BREAST!!!!
Jonnel: Sure ma'am!! At ipipilit ko po sa order form...

Ewan ko lang kung may magkamali pa

Bella: While waiting for my order, I will have to use your washroom. Kelangan ko mag-retouch at maghugas dahil masarap magkamay.
Jonnel: Sa may kitchen po! Rest assured it is clean and well maintained!

Clean hands ba kamo? Walang sinabi ang hand sanitizer sa Lysol!!

After eating the inasal...

Bella: Anong dessert niyo? Note! I am diabetic! No sugar allowed!
Jonnel: Ay sakto tayo diyan madam...

Walang D for diabetes!!

Bella: Parang gusto ko ng Whip it up? *evil grin* *wink* (AFRAID!!!)

In the end, Bella did not enjoy her resto experience. And being the contravida that she is, this is where poor Jonnel ended up.

*****FIN*****
(TELENOVELA?!?!)

Baboo!

It's TIME!!!

There are times when you feel that you just had enough

There are times when you think that you just have to stop

But after countless pleas and cries to put me back on track

Rejoice (Shampoo)!

KoiBeyondPond is back!!!

PAKACHAROOOOOT!

Missed me? Well let's just say busi-busyhan tayo the past few months. But that doesn’t matter anymore because I am like a fish that had hide to shed off old scales to bring forth beautiful ones. AHAS?!?!?

Pero naman, kung dati reflection ko lang ang nagsasabing maganda ako, pwes na-validate na ang kagandahan ko! And not just by any other man, but a group of fine, young, (droolworthy?) MEN!

Hinga nang malalim, At kayanin niyo to…

HOMAAAAAYYYGAAAAAAAADDDD!

Talo pa nito ang isang galong kape sa umaga kung makapagpalpitate sa akin.

So there’s Bam (close?) who is an Aquino, and a person who is established and financially secure. (Mukhang pera o!)

Then there’s Armand del Rosario na di nakayanan ang sarili at nagconfess ng “I love you!”. Sorry ha pero parang may mahal na kasi akong iba. CHYEH!!!!

And yes, Anton Del Rosario!!!! Jusko I think you are just so pogeeeeeee!!! Lalo na ang “TAKE CARE” na may kasamang pagkunot ng ilong. SHEEEEEET PARANG GUSTO KO LANG MALIGO SA

Chuice!!

Thank you for your greetings! Now when I feel down and lonely, papanoorin ko lang ang video na eto and I will be fine. Kaya lang sa gabi lang applicable dahil sabi niya “Have a wonderful evening” Choz.

So wala naman talagang pasabog sa post na to. I’m just glad to be back!

Special thanks to Pia M for this video :D Sa susunod meet and greet na!

CHUICE Happiness! Baboo!

OH OH MARIO!!!!

I first learned about Mario Maurer 3 years ago when I watched the Love Of Siam.

O diba? Totoy na totoy pa lang alam ko nang he is God's gift to girls... and pa-gurls!

Idagdag mo pa ang beki-bekihan plot ng film and so siya na ang naging peg ko for a bufra. So kung di ka man lang tulad ni Mario, wag ka nang mangarap makuha ang matamis kong oo. CHAROT! FEELING!

Back then, only a few knew who he was. Until he starred in another movie "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" (Read more about the movie here).

Sige, magpapogi ka pa!!!! (Kunyari ayaw heehee)

It came out on ABS-CBN so marami na ang nabaliw sa kanya. Gusto ko man silang sabunutan lahat, tinuruan naman ako sa CLE to share, so fine... pero hanggang tingin lang. AKIN?!?!

I know, di naman siya perfect. Matagal ko nang tinanggap na bopek siya heeehee. But I just wish he would beef-up a little more. Lam mo na, para pag hinug ka, ramdam mo naman kahit papano ang change in temperature.

I guess my prayers were answered when I saw this video courtesy of Miss Patch. Ladies and gentlemen, eto na po ang ang future hubby ko...

ALTA-PRESYON!!!! JUSKO ANG B.P. KO!!!!!!!!

Here's the video!

Malio Maulel. Ay bulol pala siya! CHUICE!

Aaminin ko di ko na mabilang kung ilang beses ko siyang pinanood. And for each time, inambisyon ko that I was part of that photoshoot! I wonder ano kayang mga iniisip ng mga beki na andoon? Alamin natin....

At the start of the shoot....
Pero may hindi na nakapagpigil...

Uhm, excuse me di po aso yan na pinapaliguan...

Buti pa si kuya oh, consistent sa pagiging demure


Of course this is a rare opportunity! Kelangan may souvenir!!

Nako I bet closeta si bakla. Kung out yan, topless pic ang ninakaw niya! Chuice!

Speaking of closeta...

Pero meron talagang,"Carpe Diem!" ang motto sa buhay! They will definitely do anything, makalapit lang!

Eto oh! Makahawak lang!

DI NGAAAAAA?!?!?

Oh well, I can't blame them bilang nakakaloka talaga si Mario! News came out that he's coming to the Philippines for a modeling stint and a film. Pwes, makikipag patayan ako, makita ko lang siya!!! CHAROT!!!

Pag nagkataon, move over Toni Gonzaga...


Baboo!