fish be with you: fiction

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction. And I admire Bella Flores. She's my idol in katarayan

Tita (TITA?!?!) Bella Flores is a pillar of the entertainment industry. Famous for her contravida roles, she is known off cam as a sweet, gentle and doting lady. Pero siguro may mga times na masyado siyang nag-internalize, feeling niya bruha pa rin siya kahit walang raket...

One morning she realized that she's fed up with what is normally cooked and served by her loyal maid, Ising.

Bella: Ising (contravida tone), anong lunch?
Ising: Madam Beef nilaga po
Bella: Nilaga na naman??? Kahapon nilaga ah!!!
Ising: Opo Madam pero kahapon po baboy.
Bella: Leche! Magkalasa yun!
Ising: Gusto niyo po ba bumili nalang ako ng peyborit niyong Mang Inasal?
Bella: AYOKOOOOOOO! Nakain ko na lahat dun!!!

Bella: Pati ang limited edition HOTDOG INASAL!!!
(Akalain mo may ganun??)

Bella: Pwes, maghahanap nalang ako ng bagong restaurant. Gusto ko yung bagay sa katauhan ko.

So she called her driver Badong and asked him to take her around the city.

Bella: Badong, ihinto mo diyan! Mukhang bagay sa akin ang resto na to. Harsh lang ang peg!

Lakas makapag-mura o! HACK YOU TOO!!!

Bella: Ihanda ang payong at umulan

A guard then greeted Bella by the door

Guard: Ma'am kung gusto niyo, dalhin niyo nalang po ang payong niyo sa loob.
Bella: Hindi na. Di yan mawawala...

MAY PANGALAN KO YAN!!!

She sat by the window and a waiter named Jonnel hurriedly approached her.

Jonnel: Good morning madam! Welcome to Hack You! Here's the menu...

Bella: Ok to ah! Mabilis daw ang service kahit marami! AT MAY PRIZE PA! Mapapalaban ako sa kainan!!

Bella: You know Jonnel, you should not fail me today. Ayoko ng aanga-anga! Baka hindi mo natatanong Food Blogger na rin ako! Kaya dapat galingan niyo!
Jonnel: Of course maam! Would you like to check the starters?

Bella: Anong Crispee ang pinagsasabi niyo diyan? Masyadong maarte! Gow na tayo sa main course.

Jonnel: Maam eto po ang specialty dish namin dito (points at the menu)

Bella: porkSHOP???? Anong ihahain niyo, BUONG MONTEREY??? Ayoko ng heavy. At pork na naman? Gusto ko naman maiba...

Jonnel: Eto Madam! GUIZZARD! Parang Iguana and Lizard na pinaghalo!

Bella: EEEEW! SO EXOTIC!!! DON'T LIKE! (sabay dabog!). Hmm gulay? Anong gulay niyo?
Jonnel: Madam eto lang po...

Bella: LUMOT?!?! ANO AKO GOLDFISH?!?!? Sabihin mo nga Jonnel...

ETO BA ANG MUKANG GOLDFISH?!?!?!

Jonnel: Naku hindi po!!!
Bella: Pina-iinit mo ang ulo ko hijo! Gusto mo bang masisante!??! Hmm fish wala ba???
Jonnel: May bangus po kami.
Bella: Ayoko yun malansa!
Jonnel: Ay diyan po kayo nagkamali! Di lang to bangus...

ITS bangOs! So mabango!

Bella: PWEEEEEEEH!

Parang Downy! naka-Perfume!! (chuice!)

Belle: Hay nako, chicken inasal na nga lang! And i want breast. Malinaw? Hindi thigh, wing or leeg, BREAST!!!!
Jonnel: Sure ma'am!! At ipipilit ko po sa order form...

Ewan ko lang kung may magkamali pa

Bella: While waiting for my order, I will have to use your washroom. Kelangan ko mag-retouch at maghugas dahil masarap magkamay.
Jonnel: Sa may kitchen po! Rest assured it is clean and well maintained!

Clean hands ba kamo? Walang sinabi ang hand sanitizer sa Lysol!!

After eating the inasal...

Bella: Anong dessert niyo? Note! I am diabetic! No sugar allowed!
Jonnel: Ay sakto tayo diyan madam...

Walang D for diabetes!!

Bella: Parang gusto ko ng Whip it up? *evil grin* *wink* (AFRAID!!!)

In the end, Bella did not enjoy her resto experience. And being the contravida that she is, this is where poor Jonnel ended up.

*****FIN*****
(TELENOVELA?!?!)

Baboo!

Last night I posted the "humanity" of powerful and influential people in the world. Check this.

Looking at more images, I learned that the most notorious in having a picture taken in the weirdest expression would be non other than...

You got it right!!! Its, me Hillary Clinton!!!

Dubbed as the 5th Most powerful woman in the world, Hillary has played influential roles such as being America's First lady, New Yong Senator and now, US Secretary of State. In fact, she could have been America's first female president.

As they say, with great power comes great... FEZ. Chuice! Well it looks like Ateh Hil (CLOSE!!!) has a special power of distorting her face to do weird expressions! Even when she was a little younger...

Shet nineties na nineties tayo ah!

Well, one day...(Story is obviously fictional)

Secretary: Ma'am!!! Ma'am!! Nanalo po kayo sa Super Lotto 6/49!!!

Secretary: Opo maam!!! I swear! Ayan oh, 22-36-15-25-28-30!

Secretary: Uhm, excuse me po ma'am, I think its false alarm. Yung ticket pala na to, for yesterday's draw... (lagot)

Secretary: Ma'am sorry po! Di naman ako yung tumaya kahapon sa outlet sa kanto!

Fernalyn: Maaaaaaaaaaam sorrrrrreeeeeeeeeee naaaaa.....

Fernalyn: Eh kasi ma'am 12 years na kayong tumataya, never kayong nanalo so ako nang ang nagpalit baka sakali...
Hillary: HRRRRRR!!! Iinom nalang ako!!!!

In the bar...

Carlos: Excuse Ma'am but I think we should go home. We have a meeting with the president at 8 AM tomorrow...